Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
