U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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