I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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