So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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