I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
