It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
