I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
