I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
