I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
