He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
