you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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