Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
