My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
two words...techno handjob
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
