I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
