I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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