I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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