these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize