Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
