First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
