i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
