We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
