She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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