apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im about as happy as oj after his trial
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
