Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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