I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My ass is underappreciated
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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