so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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