i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
