Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
