So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
