those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
