Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
