i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
