My friends, they love my intelligence
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize