Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
