I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
one might say we're banned from that church
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
