I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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