he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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