i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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