he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
