I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
not ubering you a puppy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
