Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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