So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
