sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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