Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
