Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
