Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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