bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
