Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
