So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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