You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
