you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
