i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
