I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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