I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
