Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
