we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize