My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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