I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
