...so i touched it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
