Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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