it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
