ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Houston, we have a squirter
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
