I wanna bring you to show and tell
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
