Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
