Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
