do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
