Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
