I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
be right there i have to get my cape
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
