i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
