it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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