Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize