I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
