Will you blow on my dice?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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