those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
